Feeling Like a Door Mat

When The Wanker and I split, we came to an agreement with the Child Support Agency about how often he would have the kids, etc.

He is a shift worker and I never know from one week to the next when he’s going to have them and that really shits me but that’s not what this post is about.  After our settlement is finalized (if ever!)  I intend to try and put in place some kind of legal contract where he has the kids on certain days of the week, or something, for now I don’t want to make him angry and fuck up any settlement agreement, he’d be inclined to hold everything up just to piss me off!

No, my beef is that I’ve worked out that he’s only been having the kids 66% of the time that was agreed to.  I don’t want more money from him because they’re in my care more.  No, what pisses me off is that he said a long time ago that he wasn’t doing any overtime so that he could spend time with the kids, if he’s doing no overtime he’d be getting 3 days off per week.  So how come 10 days go by without him seeing them?

What I think is happening is that if he has a social engagement, he prefers to go out and doesn’t have the kids.  In effect, making me a babysitter.  Find your own babysitter, Arsehole!

Talk Soon

Doodah

A New Journey - Part VI

I'm a bit late with this post, lets take a look at the scales

Well, its a loss, so that's okay.  For Mother's Day, I received a Heart Rate Monitor so now I'm able to track my calories - I love it.  I've worked out a few times with it already and it's great.

I managed to rope a few school mums into working out with me after school yesterday.  Little did I realise that Karate for young kids is also on a Monday at the Hall adjacent to the oval.  Tahlia saw all her friends going in to learn Karate, she followed and I couldn't get her out of there!  The Sensei is also my Tae Bo instructor so that was okay - first lesson free then $45 for the term.  Needless to say, Tahlia is now doing Karate!

Anyway, some Karate mums also joined in, so there was 5 of us and we did a great job.  I managed to burn 399 calories (500 is my aim) I had plenty left in the tank but everyone else was done, so we finished.

I'm working out every day, so next week should be a good weight loss.  Then the Michelle Bridges 12WBT starts in a couple of weeks, I can't wait!  I'm really enjoying exercising and getting others to join me.  I intend to be trim, taut and terrific in time for my birthday in September. 

I got a bonus on Mother's Day, I left my brother's house in the late afternoon and really felt like a drink.  I knew I didn't have anything at home (only that bottle of Chardy which will only be drunk if I'm really desperate)  so I called in to Liquorland and bought a couple of bottles of wine.  When I got home, these were also in the bag!

Bonus!

I don't know if its necessary to make wine 'lighter in alcohol' but I don't mind - they were free!  And they're perfect for when I need want a drink, if I feel compelled to finish the bottle, it won't matter because they're only 187ml!

Talk soon

Doodah 

I'm No Crafty Mumma!

A hate doing craft with the kids, I hate doing the playground thing, all of that stuff just irritates me and bores me to tears!  Yeah, bad parent, so shoot me!

We have a star chart and the kids are rewarded for good behaviour, nothing specific, just when they do things that make me happy.  I like to give them stars when they least expect it, just for doing (or not doing) something.  Sometimes they get one just for brushing their teeth without me having to tell them to do it.

I’ve put spots along the way, when the kids reach a special spot, they get a prize (courtesy of the $2 shop).  Tahlia earned a prize, so I went to my stash and came out with a Flower Making Kit.

Little did I realize that I would have to help her with it, damn!

So, we made little flowers and big flowers, multi-coloured flowers and spiky flowers.  I think we did a pretty good job!

Boot Camp

So, I went to Boot Camp last week and due to school holidays, it wasn’t on.  A couple of the regular girls showed up to work out anyway, so I joined them.  We didn’t have any equipment, so just made do on our own.

Lots of running, and punching (into thin air), push-ups, dips (hating the dips), we did really well.  At the end, we stood and stretched our arms out at our sides and twirled them until we couldn’t do it any longer, bigger swirls then smaller ones.  We did it for at least a minute and it hurt like hell.  I thought that because I’d been doing Tae Bo and a fair bit of punching lately (not the kids!) that I’d be okay with arm exercises.  How wrong was I?  My upper arms hurt for about 5 days.

No Boot Camp today (still school holidays over here in the West) so back to it next week, I think it may kill me.

I’ve started the 12WBT (pre-season for now) and have ordered a Heart Rate Monitor (which the kids can give me for Mother’s Day) can’t wait to get it.  It’ll be interesting to see just how many calories I can burn in one session.  And if I go back for a second session, the girls told me it’s pretty hard core.

I’ve still been running around the paddock, Tahlia likes to sit in the corner and say, ‘ready, steady, go!’ every time I pass her.  I’ve been using my elliptical trainer as well, it’s a bit friendlier on my knees and I can go for longer.

I’m just trying to increase my fitness levels before Michelle Bridges starts whipping my arse.  She expects 6 training sessions a week and I better be prepared.

Talk Soon

Doodah

A New Journey - Part V

Oops!  That's not good.

The Best Thing About Being A Parent

You can yell at the kids all day - wasn't a good day here today, kids just wouldn't stop!  You now how it is sometimes.

Come bed-time and you are the best mother in the world, the centre of their universe and they love you more that anything.

Ahhhhh!

Exercise, Schmexercise

Why is it that on the day that you have a thumping headache – that’s the day the kids decide to be loud and annoying and fight ALL DAY LONG?

How many times does one have to tell them to shut the fuck up before they do just that?  I haven’t actually said that to them today, but the day’s not over yet!

It’s my fault, whenever I start on a new weight loss program, I always get a headache in the first few days, nothing major, that a couple of Panadol won’t fix but I know its gonna happen, nothing I can do about it.

What’s really weird is that I haven’t started a new plan – I have signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation so maybe this headache is an apprehension headache, lol.  Shit-scared of her making me do and eat things I don’t want to!

Yesterday I changed my exercise routine.  Normally, I’d drop Tahlia off at school and then come home and do some form of exercise but yesterday, I went as soon as I’d given the kids their brekkie.

Also, instead of doing Tae Bo or something else inside, I decided to go for a run – ahem, jog/walk.  I have a paddock which is about 150m around the perimeter so I figured I’d give it a go, never been one for running but what the hay! 

Five laps later, I came inside, had a shower then breakfast and by lunchtime I was exhausted and needed a nap.  Two hours later I emerged!  Same thing today, 6 laps – woo hoo.  But come 10:30, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and had to go back to bed and have felt like shit all day.  The kids being in the mood they’re in hasn’t  helped, that’s where being a single parent isn’t much fun although the Wanker wouldn’t have been any help anyway.

I had to go to bed, otherwise, I’d be really irritable and snap at the kids all day which isn’t fair to them.  They took care of themselves and didn’t destroy anything, thank God.  It usually hits me in the afternoon (three-thirtyitis) but since I’ve started exercising regularly, the need for a nanna nap has pretty much ceased.

So, I’m just not sure what the problem is – is it the running or the timing?  Tell you what, I could really go for a wine right about now, but I have a dry house at the moment.  I have some bubbly in the pantry and a bottle of Chardonay – ewww!  It will be a pretty desparate day when I open that sucker.

I already know that I’m going to cave and open something, in fact as I type this, I know I’m about to get up and put a bottle of bubbly in the fridge, problem with bubbly is – you’ve got to finish the bottle!  Well I do, anyway.

I’m going to do my first boot-camp tomorrow, can’t wait!  My legs and bum are killing me from running for 10 minutes today but it’s a good hurt.

Wish me luck

Talk soon

Doodah

A New Journey - Part V

There will be no post today on the subject of weight loss...mainly because I'm pretty sure I've put on at least a kilo and well, you know - it's Easter people!

I've also just had my daughter's 5th birthday so that requires the consumption of party pies and sausage rolls, etc, etc - oh, and someone has to eat the leftovers!

I was going to ask my facebook friends it they'd be interested in running with me at the local oval and then realised I have a paddock - der!  I can do it whenever I like and the kids shouldn't get in the way.  Only problem is - I hate running.   I am a dickhead!  However, I feel the need to spice-up my exercise routine so I'll see if running agrees with me.

I'm going to join Michelle Bridges's (The Biggest Loser) 12 Week Body Transformation, pre-season starts in a few days.  I figure she's gonna make me do lots of exercise so I may as well start now.

Anyone want to join me in the 12WBT?  

Talk soon

Doodah

Pyjamas

I could do a whole post on how amazing pj's are for lounging around in but they're fucking horrible to sleep in - but I won't!  I mean seriously, sometimes I put them on in the evening while I'm watching TV - or whatever.  Then I take them off to go to bed!

Enjoy your Easter everyone.

Talk Soon

Doodah

A New Journey - Part IV

Once again, I haven't really tried too hard this week.  I know what I need to do to lose weight and when I put my mind to it - it works.  

I've lost 2.3kg in three weeks,so that's not too bad.  Tahlia's birthday is on Thursday and I vaguely remember stating that I wanted to get down to 63kg for that, pretty sure I can do it.  This week there's been a couple of hot cross buns - bugger!  There may have been some wine in there as well - oops!

This is actually yesterday's weight.  Today I had to be up at the crack of dawn to be at a swap meet and knew I wouldn't have time to weigh in beforehand.  Today was a very, very bad food day.  This morning, I had my usual fruit smoothie.  (I'm not a fan of fruit, so every day I have a smoothie so I know I'm actually eating the stuff - yes, even those expensive bananas!).

So, I'd had breakfast but as I finished setting up my stall, everyone was eating bacon and egg burgers and even though I wasn't hungry, I went and got one.  The Primary School had a bake sale and since I didn't provide anything for it, I figured I should buy from it - something for the kids.  So I got a pack of 4 cupcakes.

That finished at 12 and I had to go and pick up the kids from the Wanker.  On the way back, we got Hungry Jacks, then we had a cupcake when we got home.  It's nearly 6pm and I'm, not hungry (don't know why, lol!) so I won't have any dinner.  

If you're gonna be naughty you may as well get it over and done with in the one day, I reckon.

The Girlfriend

Wanker has a girlfriend.  The kids told me when they got home from his place the other day.  I asked Tahlia ‘Who did your hair for school?’ ‘Daddy’s girlfriend’.  ‘Did she come over this morning or did she stay with Daddy last night?’ ‘She slept at Daddy’s house.’

Sound jealous, don’t I?  Seriously, I’m not.  I have no feelings for the Wanker, he could’ve rooted around on me while we were married and it wouldn’t have bothered me.  Given the opportunity, I probably would have, I don’t think he’d have any reason to be upset about it.  He wasn’t giving me any so why shouldn’t I get it somewhere else?  Of course, those opportunities didn’t actually come up so it wasn’t an issue and I really don’t think he was unfaithful because he’s really not that kind of guy.  Now I sound naïve! 

Many years ago a couple of weeks before he was to be married, he found out his fiancé was cheating on him.  He was gutted (obviously) and hates people who do that.

The fact that he’s found someone doesn’t surprise me at all - he’s never been one to be on his own for any length of time.  He’s had a few long term relationships but he’s gone from one to the other without a break.  Hell, he was still living with his ex-girlfriend (she hadn’t moved out yet) when he started seeing me!

Plus, there’s the fact that he hasn’t changed his Paypal password and I check it every now and then to see what he’s wasting his money on.  In January he paid a company called ‘eHarmony’, not sure what kind of company this is, heehee!  Nothing wrong with internet dating, I’ll probably do it myself when I’m ready.

I’m not ready, not because I’m grieving the breakup of my marriage – far from it.  It’s just that it hasn’t really occurred to me to go looking, it’s just not on my mind.

The thing that does bother me about the Wanker having a girlfriend is the ‘sleepover’ while my kids are there.  I’ve already decided that if and when I do meet someone, they won’t be ‘sleeping over’ when the kids are here.  We can do that when they’re at their dad’s.  Obviously later on, that will change if a good relationship develops.

The other thing is that he lies to the kids.  When he first moved out, he called his house the ‘work house’ supposedly he was living there because it was closer to work or something – I don’t know.  And now the girlfriend slept with Daddy because she didn’t have a car to get home and there wasn’t anywhere else in the house for her to sleep.

Just tell them the truth!  She’s sleeping with you because she’s your girlfriend.  The kids don’t care, they certainly rarely saw us sharing a bed, so it’s not a big deal to them, probably no different than them slipping in to my bed in the middle of the night.

I think Tahlia actually thought of me and the Wanker as brother and sister rather than husband and wife, funny that.

Anyhoo, I’m glad that he’s found someone and not surprised at all.  I’m hoping that she’ll talk some sense into him in regard to finalising a settlement  and ending the marriage.

It’s funny that the same day I found out about the girlfriend (the kids don’t remember her name! lol) he sent me an email asking how I’d feel about releasing $20k for each of us from our money so he can pay off his credit card.  (Our money from the sale of our house is tied up until we come to an agreement).  I have no intention of giving him $20k in total let alone giving him that much now.  I just emailed him back ‘No’, that’s it – no reasons or anything – just ‘no’.

What he is about to find out is that I’ve seen my lawyer and they’re passing on my settlement proposal to him this week.  Let the fun and games begin…again.

Talk Soon

Doodah 

A New Journey - Part III

Hmmm - not such a great week, but a loss is a loss, considering I haven't really tried too hard.  

I've been on the piss a couple of nights and haven't done a whole lot of exercise.  My Konga instructor is pregnant and all the jumping around is hurting her back so all classes have been cancelled until later in the year.  

There is a Boot Camp that started up recently, so I'll try that this week and my Tae Bo dvd's should be here in the next couple of days.

I promise (myself) to do better this week!

Talk Soon

Doodah

The Simple Things

A kite from the $2 shop and my backyard - the simple things.

Tomorrow I'm taking the kids to the movies to see 'Rio'.  They've never been to the movies so it should be exciting for them...and for me - the last movie I went to see was 'The Blair Witch Project'!

It's a surprise, I've only told them that we're going somewhere special.  Tomboy Tahlia has told me she's going to be pretty tomorrow and wear her nice clothes and jewellery - she cracks me up!

Talk Soon

Doodah 

A New Journey - Part II

I usually weigh myself everyday - yes, I know how wrong that is.  This past week, I've stayed away from them, it wasn't easy.  So, here's what the scales today:

That's a loss of 1.7kg from last week - gotta be happy with that.

I've done a lot of exercise and have stayed off the goon.  I have had a low carb beer most afternoons though.  You know what it's like after school! lol.  The exercise seems to be suppressing my appetite.  I don't feel a need to eat between meals, I also used to have dinner, ice-cream and then a couple of hours later scoff half a (large) bag of chips.  I've still had the ice-cream (Nestle Light and Creamy, yummmmm) but I haven't had the need to eat the crap late at night.

I've been doing my exercise every day after dropping Miss T off at school in the morning, I'm not a morning person, so there's no way I could get up early and do it before they get up.

I've also found that on the days that I exercise, I don't need my afternoon nanna nap which is interesting.  I've just bought a Tae Bo box set of DVDs off ebay - having to watch them on Youtube was eating up all my downloads.  So hopefully I'll have them by the end of the week.  In the meantime, I can dance around the lounge-room for half an hour or so every day.

So, let's see what this week brings, I have a busy week with something on just about every day, so not too sure when I'll be able to get the exercise in, I'll have to concentrate on my diet more this week - just in case.

Talk soon

Doodah

Tae Bo or Not Tae Bo - That is the Question

I need to lose some weight, its not too bad, just 5kgs or so (10 would be nice).  I don’t mind exercising (if I’m in the mood) bit like the housework really!

I live in a small town and on a Monday and Friday night go to the local Recreation Centre and do Konga, if you’re not familiar with it, take a look here:  http://thejunglebody.com.au/classes/konga

Loving Konga, just wish we could do it three times a week, we generally burn about 700 calories in an hour and it’s not too hard.  All different age groups come and everyone manages to keep up.

So, a Tae Bo class has started at the Rec Centre on a Friday morning, I went along and loved that too!  Once again all different age groups were there and its great, love all the boxing moves.  I just picture the Wanker’s face when I’m doing it, lol.

Because the Tae Bo is only one day a week, I thought I’d have a look and download some so I could do it at home.  Found a Billy Blanks Advanced Tae Bo, so I downloaded it (took three days and half my download allowance for the month but that’s okay. 

Can you see the mistake I made though?  Yes, Advanced Tae Bo.  What was I thinking?  Take what we do on a Friday morning, increase the pace by four, increase the reps by six and you’re a walking (just) ball of sweat.

I couldn’t finish it, it was insane.  So today I looked on Youtube (wish I’d done that in the first place) and here’s a snippet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbqNiysMcqY&feature=BF&list=PL94688E91797FED5B&index=2

I think I’ll do this one for now on, not Advanced. 

Now if only I could replace my wine intake with water, I may actually lose some weight. 

And stop making these 

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Hmmm…

A New Journey

After weighing myself this morning, I'm thinking this will become a blog about my weight loss journey!

Ahhhh!

However, when I weighed myself on the carpet, I got this result!

I prefer this one

Maybe I'll just move the scales to the carpet from now on!

Seriously, I'm only 5'2" (157cm) tall and really shouldn't be this weight.  It's all belly and hips, and the thing is - I know how to lose weight, I know about eating properly and exercising.  I've just been lazy.

Yesterday, we went to a kids party (a bestie's kid) so there was adult partying too.  Anyhoo, I drank a bottle of wine (not unusual for me, I'm afraid!) ate some party food, not that much, but came home, made myself a bacon and egg burger and ate it while watching an episode of The Biggest Loser (that I'd recorded).  I knew how wrong that was while I was doing it and to be honest, I wasn't even hungry.   Just felt like eating.

I usually hover between 60 - 63kgs and that's comfortable for me, I would like to be around 57kg though which is a healthy BMI and all that crap.

Tae Bo is for me, started a few weeks ago at a class in town and love it, have found it on Youtube so I can do it whenever I want now in the comfort of my own home.

I also have a 'dry' house at the moment, well I do have some bubbly in the pantry but it's not going near the fridge!  I drink a lot, compared to most of the population, it's not uncommon for me to drink two bottles of wine over three nights (most nights).  At the same time, when I'm trying to lose weight, I don't drink - nothing to worry about - I don't have an alcohol problem.

There's beer in the fridge because I do like a beer in the afternoon after a hot day (which we're still having here).  I'm sucking on one right now - it is low carb though! lol.

So, my new journey begins, I'll try to post about it every Sunday, with photographic evidence.  It's my daughter's 5th birthday on the 21st April, so I'd like to be back to 63kg by then, hopefully even lighter.

Wish me luck!

Talk soon

Doodah

The Tattoo

I’m a tattoo virgin, I don’t have any tats, never thought about getting one…until now.  Well, ever since I kicked the Wanker to the curb.  A present to myself for having the balls to finally end the relationship.

It’s getting to be an urge now, a need, I really want one – something cool and at the same time pretty, one that encircles my wrist like a bracelet.  (Think Karen from Californication) 

Anyhoo, if I had available funds, I would already have been inked.  But alas, that’s not gonna happen any time soon.

The Wanker has also never expressed any desire to get a tattoo so colour me surprised when we did the ‘children swap’ the other day and I notice a tat on his arm – he had a T-shirt on, so I could only see a bit of it.  Miss T informed me when I picked them up that it’s a dragon that goes across his chest and down his arm.  He must be getting himself some man-scaping because I don’t see the sense in getting a tat that you can’t see for chest hair!

So now I’m really pissed off (again) because he’s beaten me to it.  Now, when I finally get mine, he’s gonna think I’m copying him.

GGRRRRR!

At least mine will be a bit more tasteful.

I hope he realizes that having a tat doesn’t compensate for having a hairy back and a little dick!

Talk soon

Doodah

I’m Funny – Really I Am

Weird isn’t it, I’m a really funny person,  I’ve usually got a witty comment or two up my sleeve.  But blogging is making me dull, I’m just not that humorous on paper monitor/lappie/IPhone/IPad, etc.

So, instead of me being hilarious, here are a few things my kids have said lately:

My personal favourite is this one – I was singing (as you do) and Miss T told me to, “Stop, that’s annoying my ears!”  Thank you very much!

Asking which shoes Master R would like to wear – “Your runners?”  He replies, “No, my running shoes” – pretty sure they’re the same thing!

Miss T was running down the passage yelling, “I’m a Supergirl!”  Master R replied in a sing-song voice “No, you’re not.”  It is, after all his job to put her in her place.

It was a long, hot summer – don’t you love the way they’re in the same position?

Talk Soon

Doodah

My Worst Fear

My worst fear has finally been realized, if only in a small way.  Yes. Master R cut Miss T’s hair today.  Granted, it was more of a strand of hair than anything!  It looks like he picked up a chunk of hair, although ‘chunk’ may be a bit strong, it would be less than 1cm thick.  He cut it at about ear length right on the top of her hair (if you know what I mean) if it was on the bottom, no-one would notice. 

I found strands of hair in the bin and my immediate thought was that she was sick and was losing her hair!  That lasted about half a second.  Then I found more on the couch.  I’d forgotten that she’d been colouring and cutting, etc.  Normally, I don’t like to leave scissors and crayons, paints, etc with the kids if I’m not watching them – and let’s face it – I never watch them.  So, obviously I’ve gotten a bit lax in this department and low and behold I suppose I deserve it.  I’m also paranoid of them drawing all over the walls and floor – but I think thats perfectly understandable.

I've placed the darker bit over the highlight so you can just make out where he cut it - not so bad...really

I’ve always been paranoid about this happening and in fact a friend’s daughter (same age as miss T) decided to cut her own hair last year and ended up with a mullet – very attractive.  Takes me back to the 70’s when mother used to cut my hair.  I cringe just thinking about it.  And of course you hear other horror stories of kids cutting their hair.  I always assumed she would cut her own hair though, not Master R do it for her!  She reckons, she didn’t know he’d done it, she was watching theTV.

I’ve never really been able to grow my hair and always wanted to.  It would get to a certain length and turn into ‘rats tails’ – what a lovely term that is.  Miss T has lovely hair and I’m happy to let it grow and grow and grow.  Of course, with her being a tom-boy, I’m not sure how long this will last!  One day she wants it cut short, the next she wants to be like Rapunzel. 

I hope she favours Rapunzel.

Talk soon

Doodah

So Angry

I have to write, just don’t know what else to do, I’m shaking and want to – actually I don’t know what I want to do.

The wanker came over yesterday to pick up the kids and discuss our settlement.  As we are about $50k apart in what we both want, my lawyer suggested maybe splitting the difference.  I suggested that to him, in effect giving him a 40% share of our net assets.  I told him that I understood that he feels that as the ‘breadwinner’ since the kids came along, he feels that he should get all the cash we have available and I understand that while he wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to start over – he can.  He has an investment property that he can sell, and basically he has options.  On the other hand, I don’t have any options.

Once again, he mentioned that he needs a deposit for a house, etc, etc.  I informed him that he’d like a deposit for a house whereas in fact he could rent but I understand that he wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to go down that route.  Once again he mentioned that he wants to have something to give the kids in the future.  I said the kids don’t really care what you can provide when you die, they need a roof over their heads NOW! 

I went on to explain my position with Centrelink and having too much money in the bank, etc and that I have to purchase a house and can only borrow a small amount.

At one stage he even threatened to get a court order to have our legal fees taken out of the asset pool, I hit the roof and told him he’d have a fucking big fight on his hands if he tried that.

As usual he didn’t make any suggestions, just asked for a copy of the spreadsheet that I’d shown him which he then took and said he’s think about it.

I actually thought that I’d gotten through to him but apparently not. 

When he dropped the kids off this morning, he said he wanted $60k (which is just over 50%) or we go to court.  This equates to $25k less to me which would also leave me without enough to buy a house.  I assume that Centrelink would cut me off and I’d have to use any money that I did have to live on.

I just can’t believe that he doesn’t care about the kids’ well-being, it’s all about what he wants.  Surely he knows that if this went to court that he’s not going to get more than 40%, and that whatever he does get will be eaten up in legal fees?  I don’t know what’s gotten in to him, why is he being such a cunt (sorry – very angry!).  Have I hurt him that badly?  Surely he knew the marriage was over for years before I actually did anything about it.

Why is he doing this?  It’s like he’s doing it just to be spiteful, whereas all I want is a safe home for the kids.  I don’t care if I have to rent for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t like it but it’s not such a big deal, why has he taken this stance?

So angry and I know I won’t get any sleep tonight, I’m full of the flu and feel like shit.  My ears are blocked and I can’t hear anything.  Been crying all day – I’m okay, not depressed or anything like that just really fucking angry. 

Not a good day people.

Will keep you posted.

Talk soon

Doodah

We can only hope

So, I’ve seen the lawyer, who told me I’m entitled to 60 – 70% of our net assets.  I already knew that – thing is, the wanker disagrees.  All I hear from him is that I need this and I need that, I don’t think he’s even considered what his children need.  I don’t know – like a roof over their heads!

The problem is that while we have a couple of hundred thousand from the sale of our house, he also has plenty of assets where I have none other than less than $7000 in super.  He has an investment property, a couple of cars, a boat, a lot of super, etc but he needs to have cash so he can start again.  Sorry mate, I’m the one who needs cash to start again, moron!

He earns a really good wage and can easily start from scratch.  He just doesn’t want to.  I, on the other hand can only have so much in the bank before Centrelink cuts me off.  I have to buy a house, I can only borrow about $50 000, so if he thinks I can find a safe, decent home for around $210 000 somewhere on this planet, I’d like him to show it to me. 

The wanker has had legal advice which told him that the least I would get is 60% so why is he offering me 52%?  That’s a difference of about $30000! 

So I told my lawyer to proceed, I’m sick of him trying to rip me off.  They suggested we try once more to come to an agreement before proceeding.  And they want a $3000 upfront retainer to go ahead with any work.  I’m on a pension, people!  I don’t have $3000!  I’ve emailed the wanker and told him that I think we should try to come to an agreement but in person as everything seems to get misconstrued via email (which is how we communicate!)

He’s agreed and is coming over tomorrow to discuss.  We’ll see how that goes.  I really hope we can come to a decision.  I’m so over this and want him out of my life.  Yes, I understand that will never happen because of the kids but we can only hope.

Talk soon

Doodah

Procrastination

I cleaned my fridge, it took me a couple of years to do it but I finally did it.  Obviously it didn’t actually take me two years to clean the fridge (it took about half an hour!) but it took me that long to get around to it.  I think I hate cleaning out the fridge more than cleaning the oven.  Mind you, the last oven I had was a self-cleaning one. 

The fridge wasn’t that bad, there was nothing growing in it or anything.  The shelves were just sticky from various spills.  Now though, every time I open it, I’m amazed at how fresh and clean it looks and can’t believe I only spent 30 minutes of my life to get it in that condition.

So why do we procrastinate about the silliest and mundane things, especially when most of these things only take a short amount of time to do.  Just crazy!  But then, it did take me three years to leave the wanker.  Well, actually I did it twice. 

The first time, I was emailing a friend who knew that I wanted to do it.  And as I typed the email, I thought, bugger it – go and do it now!  So I did.  It wasn’t that hard because in my mind the marriage had been over for about 18 months already.  Anyhoo, he agreed and I slept really well that night and in the morning I felt like I’d dropped half my body weight, such a feeling of lightness - a heavy weight had been lifted.  I felt free, I took the kids to playgroup, told my friends that I’d ended it.  But when I got home, he was crying and asked if we could try again.  He didn’t want to lose his family.  It has since become apparent to me that it’s all about him, his needs and wants – I’m so over it!

Anyhoo, as much as I wanted to say NO, I caved and suggested that maybe we could treat each other with some respect and see what happened over the next couple of weeks.  Another 18 months later, I broke it off again.  Nothing had changed (especially my procrastination apparently).  This time though, it’s for good.

Thinking back, I really shouldn’t have taken him back.  At the first split, we discussed a lot in a short period of time, about the future of the kids, us, etc.  He said he would buy me and the kids a house (from the proceeds of sale of our home) and he would get a mortgage for himself. 

This time around, everything’s changed and we wants half, which means me and the kids will have to live in a shit-hole because that’s all we can afford.  While he lives in a house worth twice the amount of ours. 

We haven’t been able to come to an agreement because he doesn’t think I deserve much for some reason.  But now that I’ve spoken to Centrelink and I know they’re not going to cut me off because I have a lot of money in the bank (we’ve sold the house), I’m happy to wait for as long as it takes to get my fair share, even if it means heaps of legal fees and waiting a couple of years.  I’m seeing a lawyer this week. 

I wonder how long it will take me to clean the fridge again!

Talk soon

Doodah

What Is It With Kids And Vegies?

As babies and toddlers, my kids ate anything especially Master R.  Now, if they see a vegetable, they won’t eat it.  Why do kids do that? 

I’ve deliberately never told them that veggies are good for them, although now, I tell them they need veggies to get big and strong.  But when they were younger I didn’t treat veggies any different to any other food, so where do they get this notion that veggies are horrible all of a sudden?  And why?

Last night I pureed up some potato, pumpkin, cauli and broccoli, whipped up a cheese sauce and made a pasta bake.  I left some whole pieces of broccoli florets to mix through because I knew what would happen.  And sure enough I received the following comments.  “I won’t eat this, it’s got vegetables in it!” and “I don’t like broccoli, I’m not eating it!”  Surprised? Ahem, no.

I suggested they put the broccoli to the side and try eating the rest, they did and gobbled it all up and said it was yummy!  Most of what they ate was indeed vegetables.  I think if I didn’t put the broccoli bits in there, they wouldn’t have eaten any of it but by putting it in, they felt as though they were taking all of the vegetables out.  Good thinkin’, mum.

I just want to know how far away is the night when they’ll just eat whatever I’m eating.  They even pick out pieces of tomato, etc from spag bog! 

I’m not sure if it’s right to hide their veggies or to tell them they’re in there.  I make sure they try things before they say they don’t like anything.  Of course, this means that they take the smallest bite possible…smartarses.  Then, they inform me that they don’t like it, although there have been a couple of wins here and there, where they do actually like it and eat it.

Why can’t they just eat a salad, instead of all the pasta they consume, then maybe I wouldn’t have to be on a diet all the time!

Talk soon

Doodah

The Size of Things

Just found Master R in the toilet with a magnifying glass – he is his father’s son! – Seriously, not even trying to be funny.

I Fell In-love With My Daughter Again

Fell in-love with my daughter all over again today.  Don’t know why, she just looked exceptionally beautiful today and was expressing herself really well and showing her maturity – well as mature as you can get at 4!  She was having conversations with me instead of the usual noisy jibber-jabber.  A couple of hours later and it’s all over – she just started talking and singing about bottoms.  I hate it when she does that.

I’ve recently started visiting http://www.rrsahm.com/ - she’s going through so much at the moment and I’ve been going back over her old blogs and I came across one about what kind of parent did you think you were going to be?

Wow, what a thought, says she whose children are still up at 8:45pm – hey, it’s Saturday!  However, I think I’ll put them to bed (well, I’ll try anyway!) and come back…didn’t work, they’re busy watching Dora – have I mentioned how much I hate Dora? Ola!  As long as they’re not annoying me, I don’t care too much – maybe they’ll sleep in.  Every parents wish!

Back to what kind of parent did I intend to be - I just didn’t want to be like my mother – that’s it!  She’s okay, some people seem to like her…I don’t.  I think she was a shithouse mother, something I’ve only really realized since becoming a mother myself, and I just don’t have any patience with her, she gives me the shits.  She’s the kind of person who’s an expert on things that she knows nothing about.  She’s got all this advice but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about – really frustrating!

I was the third and last child and I think she’d given up by the time they had me.  I’m 44 and my parents have never told me they love me.  I get really emotional whenever my friends tell me that or do anything for me (like help me with anything I needed during my marriage break up and stuff)  I’m tearing up as I type now, for god’s sake.  When I got my first period, my mother noticed my blood-stained knickers in the wash and asked my why I didn’t tell her I had my period.  I don’t know what I said at the time but I should’ve said, “Because you never told me they existed!”  Seriously, she never mentioned periods or anything else to me.  Of course I knew about them but I guess she expected my friends to inform me – I don’t know.

My dad died from a massive heart attack in 1999, I still miss him heaps, he was a great guy who put up with a woman who just didn’t seem to care about him.  There was never any loving, physical contact between them, in fact as soon as my elder sister moved out of home, my mother moved in to her bedroom – they would’ve only been in their 40’s.  Mind you, that happened to me too, but that’s another blog about my own marriage!

So now, I put up with her, I never ring her, she seems to phone me about once a month.  She doesn’t know how I feel although I don’t try to hide it.  She knows that she gives me the shits but she doesn’t know that I actually don’t like her. 

I’ve gotten completely off-track.  I’m a terrible parent – I don’t do craft (I just can’t be bothered even though it’s one of the few things that my kids love and keeps them going for an hour or so), they watch TV all day – no, not just an hour here or there.  It’s basically on all the time.  Gotta love ABC for Kids!  I’m not proud of that.  Before Children, I always said that I wouldn’t use the TV as a babysitter but I’m just so lazy.  They don’t actually sit in front of the box all day, they go outside and play and aren’t overweight or anything.  I just can’t be bothered playing with them, I’d rather tend to my crops on Farmville.  The list of bad parenting goes on and on. 

However, I tell them that I love them all day every day and I give them heaps of kisses and cuddles (all the stuff that I didn’t get growing up) and they love me so I can’t be too bad.  I promise to be a better parent.

Talk soon

Doodah

A Better Day

Ahhh, one more day till school starts.  Master R has kept his pants on for most of the day.  I had to promise him 10 stars on the reward chart if he did!  It’s only 3pm so we’ll see how we go!  Miss T’s playing with herself (no, not like that!), I can still hear her though because she has to talk to herself out loud as well.  But I’m managing to ignore the noise.

Am calmer today, had a great sleep – the blogging must be working – like a wonder-drug! 

I have to cut down the amount of sugar the kids eat.  They’re not hyper or anything, I just know that they have too much of the stuff!  They just adore chocolate and I let them have it most of the time, so this morning when they asked for chocolate I told them they could have toast instead.  Surprisingly, they were okay with that.  Master R even ate the crusts.  Would normally give them fruit but it’s shopping day tomorrow and there is none apart from one orange that she can take to school tomorrow.

Did I mention school starts again tomorrow?

Talk soon

Doodah