Procrastination

I cleaned my fridge, it took me a couple of years to do it but I finally did it.  Obviously it didn’t actually take me two years to clean the fridge (it took about half an hour!) but it took me that long to get around to it.  I think I hate cleaning out the fridge more than cleaning the oven.  Mind you, the last oven I had was a self-cleaning one. 

The fridge wasn’t that bad, there was nothing growing in it or anything.  The shelves were just sticky from various spills.  Now though, every time I open it, I’m amazed at how fresh and clean it looks and can’t believe I only spent 30 minutes of my life to get it in that condition.

So why do we procrastinate about the silliest and mundane things, especially when most of these things only take a short amount of time to do.  Just crazy!  But then, it did take me three years to leave the wanker.  Well, actually I did it twice. 

The first time, I was emailing a friend who knew that I wanted to do it.  And as I typed the email, I thought, bugger it – go and do it now!  So I did.  It wasn’t that hard because in my mind the marriage had been over for about 18 months already.  Anyhoo, he agreed and I slept really well that night and in the morning I felt like I’d dropped half my body weight, such a feeling of lightness - a heavy weight had been lifted.  I felt free, I took the kids to playgroup, told my friends that I’d ended it.  But when I got home, he was crying and asked if we could try again.  He didn’t want to lose his family.  It has since become apparent to me that it’s all about him, his needs and wants – I’m so over it!

Anyhoo, as much as I wanted to say NO, I caved and suggested that maybe we could treat each other with some respect and see what happened over the next couple of weeks.  Another 18 months later, I broke it off again.  Nothing had changed (especially my procrastination apparently).  This time though, it’s for good.

Thinking back, I really shouldn’t have taken him back.  At the first split, we discussed a lot in a short period of time, about the future of the kids, us, etc.  He said he would buy me and the kids a house (from the proceeds of sale of our home) and he would get a mortgage for himself. 

This time around, everything’s changed and we wants half, which means me and the kids will have to live in a shit-hole because that’s all we can afford.  While he lives in a house worth twice the amount of ours. 

We haven’t been able to come to an agreement because he doesn’t think I deserve much for some reason.  But now that I’ve spoken to Centrelink and I know they’re not going to cut me off because I have a lot of money in the bank (we’ve sold the house), I’m happy to wait for as long as it takes to get my fair share, even if it means heaps of legal fees and waiting a couple of years.  I’m seeing a lawyer this week. 

I wonder how long it will take me to clean the fridge again!

Talk soon

Doodah