I Fell In-love With My Daughter Again

Fell in-love with my daughter all over again today.  Don’t know why, she just looked exceptionally beautiful today and was expressing herself really well and showing her maturity – well as mature as you can get at 4!  She was having conversations with me instead of the usual noisy jibber-jabber.  A couple of hours later and it’s all over – she just started talking and singing about bottoms.  I hate it when she does that.

I’ve recently started visiting http://www.rrsahm.com/ - she’s going through so much at the moment and I’ve been going back over her old blogs and I came across one about what kind of parent did you think you were going to be?

Wow, what a thought, says she whose children are still up at 8:45pm – hey, it’s Saturday!  However, I think I’ll put them to bed (well, I’ll try anyway!) and come back…didn’t work, they’re busy watching Dora – have I mentioned how much I hate Dora? Ola!  As long as they’re not annoying me, I don’t care too much – maybe they’ll sleep in.  Every parents wish!

Back to what kind of parent did I intend to be - I just didn’t want to be like my mother – that’s it!  She’s okay, some people seem to like her…I don’t.  I think she was a shithouse mother, something I’ve only really realized since becoming a mother myself, and I just don’t have any patience with her, she gives me the shits.  She’s the kind of person who’s an expert on things that she knows nothing about.  She’s got all this advice but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about – really frustrating!

I was the third and last child and I think she’d given up by the time they had me.  I’m 44 and my parents have never told me they love me.  I get really emotional whenever my friends tell me that or do anything for me (like help me with anything I needed during my marriage break up and stuff)  I’m tearing up as I type now, for god’s sake.  When I got my first period, my mother noticed my blood-stained knickers in the wash and asked my why I didn’t tell her I had my period.  I don’t know what I said at the time but I should’ve said, “Because you never told me they existed!”  Seriously, she never mentioned periods or anything else to me.  Of course I knew about them but I guess she expected my friends to inform me – I don’t know.

My dad died from a massive heart attack in 1999, I still miss him heaps, he was a great guy who put up with a woman who just didn’t seem to care about him.  There was never any loving, physical contact between them, in fact as soon as my elder sister moved out of home, my mother moved in to her bedroom – they would’ve only been in their 40’s.  Mind you, that happened to me too, but that’s another blog about my own marriage!

So now, I put up with her, I never ring her, she seems to phone me about once a month.  She doesn’t know how I feel although I don’t try to hide it.  She knows that she gives me the shits but she doesn’t know that I actually don’t like her. 

I’ve gotten completely off-track.  I’m a terrible parent – I don’t do craft (I just can’t be bothered even though it’s one of the few things that my kids love and keeps them going for an hour or so), they watch TV all day – no, not just an hour here or there.  It’s basically on all the time.  Gotta love ABC for Kids!  I’m not proud of that.  Before Children, I always said that I wouldn’t use the TV as a babysitter but I’m just so lazy.  They don’t actually sit in front of the box all day, they go outside and play and aren’t overweight or anything.  I just can’t be bothered playing with them, I’d rather tend to my crops on Farmville.  The list of bad parenting goes on and on. 

However, I tell them that I love them all day every day and I give them heaps of kisses and cuddles (all the stuff that I didn’t get growing up) and they love me so I can’t be too bad.  I promise to be a better parent.

Talk soon

Doodah