Feeling Like a Door Mat

When The Wanker and I split, we came to an agreement with the Child Support Agency about how often he would have the kids, etc.

He is a shift worker and I never know from one week to the next when he’s going to have them and that really shits me but that’s not what this post is about.  After our settlement is finalized (if ever!)  I intend to try and put in place some kind of legal contract where he has the kids on certain days of the week, or something, for now I don’t want to make him angry and fuck up any settlement agreement, he’d be inclined to hold everything up just to piss me off!

No, my beef is that I’ve worked out that he’s only been having the kids 66% of the time that was agreed to.  I don’t want more money from him because they’re in my care more.  No, what pisses me off is that he said a long time ago that he wasn’t doing any overtime so that he could spend time with the kids, if he’s doing no overtime he’d be getting 3 days off per week.  So how come 10 days go by without him seeing them?

What I think is happening is that if he has a social engagement, he prefers to go out and doesn’t have the kids.  In effect, making me a babysitter.  Find your own babysitter, Arsehole!

Talk Soon

Doodah

The Girlfriend

Wanker has a girlfriend.  The kids told me when they got home from his place the other day.  I asked Tahlia ‘Who did your hair for school?’ ‘Daddy’s girlfriend’.  ‘Did she come over this morning or did she stay with Daddy last night?’ ‘She slept at Daddy’s house.’

Sound jealous, don’t I?  Seriously, I’m not.  I have no feelings for the Wanker, he could’ve rooted around on me while we were married and it wouldn’t have bothered me.  Given the opportunity, I probably would have, I don’t think he’d have any reason to be upset about it.  He wasn’t giving me any so why shouldn’t I get it somewhere else?  Of course, those opportunities didn’t actually come up so it wasn’t an issue and I really don’t think he was unfaithful because he’s really not that kind of guy.  Now I sound naïve! 

Many years ago a couple of weeks before he was to be married, he found out his fiancé was cheating on him.  He was gutted (obviously) and hates people who do that.

The fact that he’s found someone doesn’t surprise me at all - he’s never been one to be on his own for any length of time.  He’s had a few long term relationships but he’s gone from one to the other without a break.  Hell, he was still living with his ex-girlfriend (she hadn’t moved out yet) when he started seeing me!

Plus, there’s the fact that he hasn’t changed his Paypal password and I check it every now and then to see what he’s wasting his money on.  In January he paid a company called ‘eHarmony’, not sure what kind of company this is, heehee!  Nothing wrong with internet dating, I’ll probably do it myself when I’m ready.

I’m not ready, not because I’m grieving the breakup of my marriage – far from it.  It’s just that it hasn’t really occurred to me to go looking, it’s just not on my mind.

The thing that does bother me about the Wanker having a girlfriend is the ‘sleepover’ while my kids are there.  I’ve already decided that if and when I do meet someone, they won’t be ‘sleeping over’ when the kids are here.  We can do that when they’re at their dad’s.  Obviously later on, that will change if a good relationship develops.

The other thing is that he lies to the kids.  When he first moved out, he called his house the ‘work house’ supposedly he was living there because it was closer to work or something – I don’t know.  And now the girlfriend slept with Daddy because she didn’t have a car to get home and there wasn’t anywhere else in the house for her to sleep.

Just tell them the truth!  She’s sleeping with you because she’s your girlfriend.  The kids don’t care, they certainly rarely saw us sharing a bed, so it’s not a big deal to them, probably no different than them slipping in to my bed in the middle of the night.

I think Tahlia actually thought of me and the Wanker as brother and sister rather than husband and wife, funny that.

Anyhoo, I’m glad that he’s found someone and not surprised at all.  I’m hoping that she’ll talk some sense into him in regard to finalising a settlement  and ending the marriage.

It’s funny that the same day I found out about the girlfriend (the kids don’t remember her name! lol) he sent me an email asking how I’d feel about releasing $20k for each of us from our money so he can pay off his credit card.  (Our money from the sale of our house is tied up until we come to an agreement).  I have no intention of giving him $20k in total let alone giving him that much now.  I just emailed him back ‘No’, that’s it – no reasons or anything – just ‘no’.

What he is about to find out is that I’ve seen my lawyer and they’re passing on my settlement proposal to him this week.  Let the fun and games begin…again.

Talk Soon

Doodah 

The Tattoo

I’m a tattoo virgin, I don’t have any tats, never thought about getting one…until now.  Well, ever since I kicked the Wanker to the curb.  A present to myself for having the balls to finally end the relationship.

It’s getting to be an urge now, a need, I really want one – something cool and at the same time pretty, one that encircles my wrist like a bracelet.  (Think Karen from Californication) 

Anyhoo, if I had available funds, I would already have been inked.  But alas, that’s not gonna happen any time soon.

The Wanker has also never expressed any desire to get a tattoo so colour me surprised when we did the ‘children swap’ the other day and I notice a tat on his arm – he had a T-shirt on, so I could only see a bit of it.  Miss T informed me when I picked them up that it’s a dragon that goes across his chest and down his arm.  He must be getting himself some man-scaping because I don’t see the sense in getting a tat that you can’t see for chest hair!

So now I’m really pissed off (again) because he’s beaten me to it.  Now, when I finally get mine, he’s gonna think I’m copying him.

GGRRRRR!

At least mine will be a bit more tasteful.

I hope he realizes that having a tat doesn’t compensate for having a hairy back and a little dick!

Talk soon

Doodah

So Angry

I have to write, just don’t know what else to do, I’m shaking and want to – actually I don’t know what I want to do.

The wanker came over yesterday to pick up the kids and discuss our settlement.  As we are about $50k apart in what we both want, my lawyer suggested maybe splitting the difference.  I suggested that to him, in effect giving him a 40% share of our net assets.  I told him that I understood that he feels that as the ‘breadwinner’ since the kids came along, he feels that he should get all the cash we have available and I understand that while he wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to start over – he can.  He has an investment property that he can sell, and basically he has options.  On the other hand, I don’t have any options.

Once again, he mentioned that he needs a deposit for a house, etc, etc.  I informed him that he’d like a deposit for a house whereas in fact he could rent but I understand that he wouldn’t and shouldn’t have to go down that route.  Once again he mentioned that he wants to have something to give the kids in the future.  I said the kids don’t really care what you can provide when you die, they need a roof over their heads NOW! 

I went on to explain my position with Centrelink and having too much money in the bank, etc and that I have to purchase a house and can only borrow a small amount.

At one stage he even threatened to get a court order to have our legal fees taken out of the asset pool, I hit the roof and told him he’d have a fucking big fight on his hands if he tried that.

As usual he didn’t make any suggestions, just asked for a copy of the spreadsheet that I’d shown him which he then took and said he’s think about it.

I actually thought that I’d gotten through to him but apparently not. 

When he dropped the kids off this morning, he said he wanted $60k (which is just over 50%) or we go to court.  This equates to $25k less to me which would also leave me without enough to buy a house.  I assume that Centrelink would cut me off and I’d have to use any money that I did have to live on.

I just can’t believe that he doesn’t care about the kids’ well-being, it’s all about what he wants.  Surely he knows that if this went to court that he’s not going to get more than 40%, and that whatever he does get will be eaten up in legal fees?  I don’t know what’s gotten in to him, why is he being such a cunt (sorry – very angry!).  Have I hurt him that badly?  Surely he knew the marriage was over for years before I actually did anything about it.

Why is he doing this?  It’s like he’s doing it just to be spiteful, whereas all I want is a safe home for the kids.  I don’t care if I have to rent for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t like it but it’s not such a big deal, why has he taken this stance?

So angry and I know I won’t get any sleep tonight, I’m full of the flu and feel like shit.  My ears are blocked and I can’t hear anything.  Been crying all day – I’m okay, not depressed or anything like that just really fucking angry. 

Not a good day people.

Will keep you posted.

Talk soon

Doodah

We can only hope

So, I’ve seen the lawyer, who told me I’m entitled to 60 – 70% of our net assets.  I already knew that – thing is, the wanker disagrees.  All I hear from him is that I need this and I need that, I don’t think he’s even considered what his children need.  I don’t know – like a roof over their heads!

The problem is that while we have a couple of hundred thousand from the sale of our house, he also has plenty of assets where I have none other than less than $7000 in super.  He has an investment property, a couple of cars, a boat, a lot of super, etc but he needs to have cash so he can start again.  Sorry mate, I’m the one who needs cash to start again, moron!

He earns a really good wage and can easily start from scratch.  He just doesn’t want to.  I, on the other hand can only have so much in the bank before Centrelink cuts me off.  I have to buy a house, I can only borrow about $50 000, so if he thinks I can find a safe, decent home for around $210 000 somewhere on this planet, I’d like him to show it to me. 

The wanker has had legal advice which told him that the least I would get is 60% so why is he offering me 52%?  That’s a difference of about $30000! 

So I told my lawyer to proceed, I’m sick of him trying to rip me off.  They suggested we try once more to come to an agreement before proceeding.  And they want a $3000 upfront retainer to go ahead with any work.  I’m on a pension, people!  I don’t have $3000!  I’ve emailed the wanker and told him that I think we should try to come to an agreement but in person as everything seems to get misconstrued via email (which is how we communicate!)

He’s agreed and is coming over tomorrow to discuss.  We’ll see how that goes.  I really hope we can come to a decision.  I’m so over this and want him out of my life.  Yes, I understand that will never happen because of the kids but we can only hope.

Talk soon

Doodah